


Five Times Tamaki tried to get Kyoya drunk, and One Time he Succeeded

by EdgarAllenPoet



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: Boundaries? What are boundaries?, Canon Compliant, Gen, House Party, Just kids being kids, They/Them Pronouns for Haruhi, Underage Drinking, author is starting to think they might not have a healthy relationship with alcohol, don't get drunk kids, five times fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:28:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25742860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdgarAllenPoet/pseuds/EdgarAllenPoet
Summary: "What would Kyoya be like, under the influence?  Probably very carefully under control, like always.  But if he'd never been drunk before, it certainly couldn't take much to slip past all of that.  Kyoya deserved to have fun, didn't he?  And as his best friend, it was Tamaki's job to help with that, right?That decided it, then. Tamaki began to scheme."
Relationships: Ootori Kyouya & Suoh Tamaki
Comments: 2
Kudos: 57





	Five Times Tamaki tried to get Kyoya drunk, and One Time he Succeeded

**Author's Note:**

> my understanding of japanese schools and culture is minimal, so. stretch of the imagination. this is very much written by an american person.

**1\. ✿ Past Mistakes, and the Twins Inspire a Plan ✿**

  
"You know, I bet the shadow prince is an absolute animal when he's drunk," Hikaru said one day, unprompted, as the Hosts idled around in Music Room #3 wasting time before appointments started to pour in for the afternoon. 

"What makes you say that?" Kaoru asked, and all the hosts turned in unison to study their club manager, who was diligently pecking away at his laptop keyboard, seemingly oblivious to the conversation around him. 

Hikaru said, "Well, when you think about it, it's always the most straight-laced people who let loose the hardest when they party. It's in every teen movie." He turned to look at Haruhi with a raised eyebrow. "Isn't that right, Haruhi?" 

Haruhi gave a simple shrug and returned their focus to the book in their hands. "How should I know? I don't really care for those movies, and I've never been drunk anyways. Isn't it you rich people who have the reputation for parties and drugs and all that?" 

"Is it?" Kaoru asked. 

"You can't ask Haruhi that!" Tamaki chimed in, slapping a hand down on the coffee table between them all. "Parties and drugs are unbecoming of a host! We're supposed to be gentlemen, and gentlemen don't let go of their inhibitions so willingly!" 

The three of them turned to stare blankly at Tamaki for a moment, then turned back away without a word. 

"You make a good point, y'know," Kaoru said, carrying on the conversation. "I don't think I've ever seen him so much as laugh." 

They turned to look at Kyoya again, who remained typing, eyes glued to his computer screen and hidden behind the glare on his glasses. 

"He laughs," Tamaki said, sounding confused now. "He laughs all the time." 

"You mean he smirks all the time," Hikaru argued. "Not the same thing." 

"That's not fair. Sometimes he chuckles ominously." 

Tamaki scoffed theatrically and sat up a bit straighter. "You guys have it all wrong, Kyoya isn't some boring stick in the mud! He laughs! He lets loose! Right, Kyoya?" 

Kyoya didn't even bother looking up from his screen as he answered in deadpan, "Don't go spreading false rumors about me." 

The twins both snickered, and after finishing whatever it was he'd been working on, Kyoya closed the lid of his laptop and crossed the short distance between the table he'd been working at and the couches the others were occupying. He sat gracefully and folded his arms over his chest. 

"Besides, I wouldn't know anyways. I haven't ever gotten drunk either, and personally I don't see the appeal. Tamaki is correct, it's unbecoming of a host to indulge in those sorts of things. We're all underage and have our reputations to consider." 

"Wait, you've never gotten drunk? Not once?" Hikaru asked, and Kyoya shrugged. 

"I've tasted champagne before at my father's functions, but I hardly think that counts." 

Tamaki frowned and rubbed at his chin. He asked, "What about that time, with the margarita mix?" 

Kyoya glanced sideways at him, and a small smile spread over his face. "You mean the bottle you bribed your gardener into buying for us back in middle school?" he asked, and then chuckled, just barely. "That was non-alcoholic. I just didn't want to ruin your fun."

And while the conversation continued on to stories of the twin's adventures, Tamaki dropped off quietly in thought. The others probably assumed he was sulking, but none of them could have suspected his actual line of thought. 

Maybe the twins were right. It was so hard to ever get Kyoya to actually relax and have fun, and even when he did it was rare that every one of his masks slipped away to show the real, uninhibited young man underneath. What would Kyoya be like, under the influence? 

Probably very carefully under control, like always. But if he'd never been drunk before, it certainly couldn't take much to slip past all of that. Kyoya deserved to have fun, didn't he? And as his best friend, it was Tamaki's job to help with that, right? 

That decided it, then. With few precious moments left before the ladies started to filter into the room for Host Club, Tamaki studied Kyoya out of the corner of his eye and began to scheme. 

**2\. ✿ Coffee for Two, Sacre Bleu! ✿**

Several days later, Kyoya said, "Thank you," unsuspectingly as Tamaki set a steaming mug down gently next to him. 

Tamaki smiled. He said, "Of course, you can't work too hard without a little pick-me-up, now can you?" 

He hurried away, going to the table Honey and Mori were seated at and half-ducking behind Honey's chair to watch what Kyoya did next. 

Kyoya paid him no mind as he lifted the mug-- left had still scribbling in his notebook-- and raised it to his lips. He got half-way through a sip before Kyoya paused, swallowed carefully, and lowered the mug with a frown. 

"What did you do to it?" he asked, icy voice carrying across the room. 

Tamaki called back to him, "I don't know what you're talking about! It's just coffee, can't you tell?" 

"I drink 'just coffee' every day."

"It's a new brand of commoner's instant coffee, Haruhi must have picked it up from a different store!" Tamaki tried again, plan quickly falling to pieces. 

Haruhi yelled, "No I didn't!" and Kyoya fixed Tamaki with a glare.

He typed furiously for a moment, frowned at his computer screen, and then asked, "Is it Irish Coffee or a White Russian?" When Tamaki didn't answer, he sighed, upended the drink into a poor, unfortunate potted plant, and stood. "Whatever," he said. "I'm going to find a breath mint before the ladies get here. Don't need anyone smelling alcohol on me during school hours." 

"Wow," Kaoru said, appearing out of thin air. "Nice going, boss." 

Tamaki chuckled, and sighed, watching Kyoya leave. "That was just a test run," he said. "I have plenty of ideas for next time." 

**3\. ✿ The Host Club Parties Like Rock Stars ✿**

  
"This was your plan?" Haruhi asked, staring over the luxury living room crowded with impeccably dressed teenagers. Against one wall was a sprawling table with a spread of foods Haruhi probably hadn't ever seen before, along with a cocktail pyramid, and Tamaki nearly got so distracted explaining every extravagance on the table to them that he lost track of Kyoya. 

He tried to get Haruhi to eat some rock-seared Kobe, but when they got snappy and batted his hands away from them, Tamaki had to admit defeat and sulk off across the room, two drinks in hand and a plan in mind. He had a mission. 

He found Kyoya picking his way politely through a crowd of their school mates. He had that carefully composed look on his face, as he bowed and smiled and nodded along to conversation. Tamaki slipped through the crowd until he was at Kyoya's elbow, politely butting into the conversation about someone's father's trading plans for the upcoming season of something-or-other. 

Tamaki didn't know how Kyoya kept track of all of these things. 

When Kyoya's guest turned to smile at Tamaki, Tamaki smiled back, and he nudged the drink he was holding in Kyoya's direction while exclaiming praises about the home they were standing in. It was nice, more modern than Tamaki's grandmother's mansion, and the acoustics were surprisingly good.

So good that, when the glass slipped out of Kyoya's fingers, the sound of it shattering on the floor echoed through the entire room.

"My sincerest apologies, how uncharacteristically clumsy of me," Kyoya said smoothly, while the boy he'd been talking to stared open mouthed. 

A young woman appeared, a maid immediately-behind already stepping in to take care of the mess. "Oh, don't worry about that, Ootori-kun, it's not as if stone is terribly hard to clean," she said, sentence punctuated with a laugh. She allowed Kyoya to politely offer a number of apologies and praises before patting him on the arm and waving them off, returning to her other guests as the drama dissipated. 

As soon as she was gone and the attention was away from them, Kyoya turned to Tamaki with a vicious glare, grabbed the crook of his elbow, and dragged him off across the room.

He let go once they found their way into a small hallway off the living room, some sort of servant's path with the noise of a kitchen a short ways away. Kyoya released him, and he looked at the drink Tamaki was still holding with a heavy sigh. 

"What's the matter with you?" Tamaki asked, voice in a hush. "You didn't have to break that glass like that, I know you didn't drop it on accident."

"Do you know what could happen to me if I was seen holding that?" Kyoya hissed back. "Nearly every person in that room has connections to my family in one way or another. I can't go harming my reputation because of your-- your-- weird fantasy!" 

"I don't have any weird fantasies!" Tamaki rebutted. "It's just a drink, Kyoya, what's the worst that could happen?" 

Kyoya's eye twitched, hands curling and uncurling from fists, and Tamaki had to wonder how the twins thought Kyoya was so perfectly put together all of the time. It was so easy to push his buttons and get these sorts of reactions, if he really wanted to. Kyoya said, "Have you forgotten that we're both underage? One picture, or one toe out of line, could mean an awful lot of trouble for us." 

Tamaki hadn't really considered that. He'd just figured, well, this was a party, and it would be easier for Kyoya to relax and let loose if everyone else around them was doing so as well. Then again, Kyoya had never been one to cave into peer pressure. Maybe he would have to rework his plan.

"You're right," Tamaki admitted, setting the drink down on a bench against the wall. He might have liked it, but he wasn't about to test it with the way Kyoya was already scowling. "I should have known you wouldn't be able to relax when you have to keep up appearances." 

Kyoya's irritation wavered, just a little, and he dropped a palm over his face with a sigh. "You really need to find something new to obsess--" he started to say, but before he could finish, the door behind Tamaki slammed open. It hit Tamaki square in the back, shoving him forward, and he stumbled into Kyoya who fell back against the wall with a grunt, Tamaki pressed to his front and holding himself up with his arms braced on the wall next to Kyoya's head.

"Hey boss, I was just thinking that--" It was Hikaru, who got halfway through his sentence before he paused, eyes darting over them for a long moment before a deadly smirk crept over his face. 

"No!" Tamaki yelped, and then Haruhi and Kaoru were leaning through the doorway to peak around Hikaru. Tamaki leapt away from Kyoya and out of their compromising position, dusting off the front of his shirt and scrambling to explain. "It's not what it looked like, you hit us with the door, and we were just-- oh, don't look at me like that, you perverts! I would never make a pass at Kyoya in a hallway like this!"

"You owe me five-thousand yen," Kaoru said, rolling his eyes and wandering back into the party. 

Hikaru swore under his breath and followed his brother out, leaving just Kyoya, Tamaki, and Haruhi alone in the hallway. Haruhi looked between Tamaki and Kyoya slowly, studying, before apparently figuring something out for themself and turning to re-enter the party with the twins. 

"Wait no!" Tamaki cried, reaching out to grab their sleeve. He missed. 

Kyoya huffed out a quiet laugh. "This is what you get for calling me 'mommy' all the time," he said, then nodded his head down the hallway. "I'm going to slip out the back door," he said. "I'll meet you and the others out in the car." 

Tamaki watched him go, then rolled his shoulders and headed back into the party to track the other hosts down. Mission failed, but that was fine. Tamaki just needed another plan. 

  
**4\. ✿ Boys' Night In ✿**

  
So Tamaki's first few attempts at getting Kyoya drunk had been a total flop, but this time he was ready. Getting Kyoya to drink in public had been his biggest mistake. Kyoya had always opened up the best when it was just the two of them in private, so that was what Tamaki was going to do.

There had been a time when Tamaki had spent nearly every weekend sleeping over at Kyoya's house. Now that they were a bit older, and they had more schoolwork and other responsibilities to concern themselves with, it was down to once or twice a month. It was one of these Friday nights that Tamaki threw himself down on the sofa and unearthed a bottle from his school bag with a flourish and a beaming smile.

Kyoya watched him blankly as Tamaki yanked the cork and poured two generous glasses of rich purple liquid. He handed one over to Kyoya, who took it with a raised eyebrow and a purse of the lips.

"What is it?" Kyoya asked, narrowing his eyes at the glass in his hand, and Tamaki pasted on an easy grin. 

He said, "Just some wine. Thought we deserved a night off." 

The expression Kyoya levelled at him was just edging towards unimpressed, but Tamaki elected to ignore it. There was nothing wrong with a glass of wine to unwind. His other attempts had been juvenile, but this was particularly grown up, and Kyoya loved grown up things. 

They both had their school work stacked on the coffee table in front of them, and Tamaki set his smuggled bottle of wine between the two mountains. Kyoya's laptop was already open and set aside, the screen showing some over-complicated data table that made Tamaki's head spin to look at. On his lap was an opened calculus textbook, pencil poised in his left hand and wine glass pinched in his right. 

Kyoya asked, "If the twins are right and you're trying to make a pass at me, this is a roundabout way of--"

"What!?" Tamaki squawked. "No! Can't a friend share a nice glass of wine with his buddy?"

He didn't read the expression that crossed Kyoya's face, but it didn't take any more arguing for Kyoya to sigh heavily, raise the glass to his lips, and take a long sip. He wrinkled his nose up a bit, leaned forward to squint at the bottle. 

He asked, "What is this? It's bitter." 

"The word is 'dry,'" Tamaki corrected. "The Chateau Lagrezette is known for it. It's supposed to have spice tones." 

Tamaki was good at getting what he wanted. 

Kyoya looked over the bottle for a few seconds, contemplating, and then said, "No," and Tamaki let out a long, sad whine. 

"What? Why!" 

"I'm not going to waste my time drinking things that taste horrible," Kyoya argued, setting his glass aside and twirling his pencil. Tamaki scoffed. 

He said, "It's three hundred euros a bottle. It's won awards."

"Well I've never thought people who make their fortune in wine were particularly clever." Tamaki pouted, and Kyoya ignored him. Tamaki pouted louder, and Kyoya rolled his eyes to look at him. "If you like it so much, then you drink it," he said. 

"At least finish the glass."

"Why?"

"Because it'll be fun?"

Kyoya frowned. 

"Because you love me?" 

"I hate you," Kyoya said, but he still raised the glass to his lips and took another careful sip. He wrinkled his nose up, and Tamaki laughed, overjoyed. He dug the book for his literature class out of the stack and leaned back against Kyoya, using his side as a backrest. He opened it to the chapter they were on and began to read aloud, while Kyoya half-listened and half-worked on his math assignment. Later, Kyoya would share his math notes.

Two birds one stone. 

Kyoya did manage to finish his glass of wine by the end of the evening, and Tamaki finished the rest of the bottle himself. The intoxication rolled in slow and lazy, and he only realized the bottle was empty when he knocked it over as he tried to stumble to his feet. 

Kyoya caught him, helped prop him up. Tamaki giggled and wrapped his arms around him. Kyoya was warm, and strong, and he pushed Tamaki in the right direction and somehow the two of them stumbled up the stairs to the loft holding Kyoya's bed. 

"I cannot believe you," Kyoya scolded, but Tamaki was too delighted to care. He collapsed bonelessly onto his side of the bed and nuzzled into the pillow, while Kyoya disappeared to do his evening routine and returned an immeasurable amount of time later. 

He hunkered down on the other side of the bed. When Tamaki reached out to poke at him with his toes, Kyoya sat up and pelted him with a pillow. 

"Go to sleep, dumbass," he complained, and it didn't take long to drift off.

Tamaki woke up with a headache.

**5\. ✿ Cabin Fever ✿**

"Hey boss," Hikaru asked in a whisper, leaning off of his cushion and into Tamaki's space on the floor. Tamaki pressed his cards to his chest and narrowed his eyes suspiciously at the other boy. "I get the whole 'playing games for club raport' and all that, but did we have to come all the way out here to do it?" 

"Yeah," Haruhi agreed glumly. "We could have stayed at school if we wanted to play card games." 

Tamaki darted a quick glance to Kyoya, who was busy studying his hand and not paying any attention to them, then pulled both twins and Haruhi into a huddle to whisper. "Listen up, if we want Kyoya to have a fun and relaxing evening, then we need to have the whole group together, and it needs to be somewhere where it won't matter if we get caught?" 

"What are you whispering about?" Kyoya asked, and Tamaki yelped and jumped away from the others. Kyoya, Honey, and Mori were all frowning at them.

Honey said, "You guys aren't cheating, are you? That wouldn't be fair." 

"Yeah," Mori agreed. 

"We aren't cheating!" Tamaki cried, and then watched as Hikaru and Kaoru leaned in close to look at each other's cards, then traded right out in the open, in front of God and the entire host club. 

Perhaps Tamaki's mistake had been involving everyone, or maybe it had been the games he'd chosen. He would have sworn Uno was supposed to be a game of chance, but Kyoya had won three games in a row so far and had only taken two sips of alcohol, as opposed to everyone else's dozen. 

Anytime someone called Uno, everyone else had to drink. Instead of "pick up 4," the victim could choose to chug.

"If you cheat, you have to drink!" Tamaki scolded, and both twins stared at him blankly for a long moment before shrugging their shoulders and throwing one back.

"Is that the rule now?" Haruhi asked, laughter in their voice, adorable smile on their face. They said, "Kyoya-senpai's been cheating this whole time."

Their other games didn't go much better, and between the beer, whiskey, and sake, Tamaki was really starting to feel his head swim as the clock ticked near midnight. Honey-senpai had tapped out hours ago, and was watching from where he was bundled up on the couch, and while Tamaki might have been a bit obsessed with Kyoya's maintained sobriety, he couldn't help but notice that besides a flush to his face Mori-senpai still seemed entirely sober as well. 

Kyoya must have been cheating at all of their games, though Tamaki wasn't sure how a person cheated at Jenga, or Twister, and especially not at Jyan Ken Pon. But Tamaki was his sworn rival for the evening, and somehow everytime the two friends went up against each other in a game, Tamaki was the one who had to drink. 

"I think you've had enough," Kyoya told him, as Tamaki lost his balance while sitting up and found himself sprawled out on the lavishly plush shag rug that decorated the Hitachiin cabin main recreational room. Honey yawned. Haruhi scrolled boredly through their phone. Tamaki's party was dying. 

"No!" he cheered, sitting up so quickly that he and Kyoya almost smacked heads. He said, "The evening isn't over! Somebody name another game!" 

Hikaru smirked. When Tamaki looked at him, he saw four twins swaying in his vision instead of two. They both smirked. Four smirks. "We could play the pokey game," Hikaru said,

and Kaoru added, "Yeah, pucker up, boss."

Kyoya scoffed. "We are not all going to catch colds because you two want to make out," he said, killing the idea instantly. When Hikaru pulled a box of pockey out from behind his back and waved it around temptingly, Haruhi snatched it from his hand, fished a cracker out, and chomped down. 

Tamaki found his thoughts rushing with images of playing the pockey game with Haruhi, who was too competitive to ever give in, meaning their lips would be sure to meet in the middle. And they would blush and cover their face and coo, "Oh, senpai, I didn't mean--" and he would sooth them, and lure them into another kiss, this time on purpose. They would both taste like chocolate. 

"Maybe we could..." he murmured quietly. Kyoya flicked him in the side of the head.

"No."

Another idea hit Tamaki and he leapt to his feet with the brilliance of it, swaying a bit off balance but catching himself quickly. He said, "I know! We'll play the Osama game! And since I am the Host Club King, I get to be Osama!"

"Oh no," the twins replied in unison. 

Tamaki whirled around and pointed dramatically at Kyoya. "As your king, I dare you to finish that entire beverage! All one drink, empty the cup!" he cheered, and Kyoya stared him down blankly.

And he stared.

And he stared.

"Okay," Kyoya said, and downed it in four hearty chugs. 

Everyone gaped at him as he lowered his cup, which had been well near full since he'd failed to take any penalties during their games, and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. 

Haruhi was the first to speak. "That was a lot, senpai, are you...?"

"Oh please," Kyoya said, and grinned. "I replaced it ages ago when you all weren't paying attention. It was only grape juice." 

"Grape juice!?" Tamaki screeched.

**1! ✿ When in Rome Part Two, a Common Surprise! ✿**

  
Tamaki was just about to give up on his plan entirely when the twins approached him with their most helpful idea yet. 

"You know, I was reading Haruhi's text messages over their shoulder the other day--" Hikaru started. 

"--And someone invited them to a party," Kaoru finished.

"A friend from middle school, so it's a--"

"--Commoner's party."

"Nobody there to recognize us."

"No real risk at getting caught." 

They shrugged in unison and walked away, and Tamaki immediately began scheming.

A number of factors lead to everything adding up nicely. First of all, he'd had to bribe Haruhi into taking them all to the party in the first place. It had taken a lot of convincing, promises of not bothering them for an entire month, swearing to never trying to force them into a dress again (he'd had his fingers crossed), and as much fancy tuna as his allowance that month could afford-- which was, honestly, quite a lot. 

But eventually they agreed, saying that "maybe it would be fun to see Kyoya-senpai actually unwind." 

The steps from their had been simple. The party was on a Saturday night, so all Tamaki had to do was keep Kyoya disoriented enough to get him to the party without his noticing. This might seem like a daunting task, considering Kyoya prided himself on being aware and perfectly self-controlled, but Tamaki knew his weakness.

He just had to catch him while he was asleep. 

Tamaki joined Kyoya in his limo after school on Friday and went with him to the Ootori house. It had been a busy day, with a particularly vicious math test in the morning, and a rather elaborate Host Club event in the afternoon. Anyone who didn't know Kyoya would say that he looked absolutely normal, but Tamaki could read him. He was dead tired. 

Tamaki sat through a perfectly respectful dinner with Kyoya's family, answer questions when asked and being as sweet and charming as he could manage. He was well-practiced in it. After dinner was over and they were all excused from the table, Tamaki and Kyoya retired to Kyoya's room.

"Am I to assume you're sleeping here?" Kyoya had asked, already going to his dresser and beginning to change into sleepwear. Tamaki had to stall. 

"Of course," Tamaki answered, and then as innocently as he could manage, "Hey, did you see what happened to the club calendar earlier? Looks like the entire thing got wiped." 

Their google calendar had been wiped, on a school computer through a secured log-in that Kyoya wouldn't be able to trace back even if he tried. This would be fine, since Kyoya had a personal, handwritten back-up, however, "It looks like it took out the one on the club page, too. All of our events are just gone." 

Kyoya rode a wave of renewed energy trying to fix it, and Tamaki watched rather unhelpfully for hours as Kyoya muttered to himself and typed frantically, trying to set the system back to normal. He wouldn't be able to rest until it was functional again, probably, and he was so absorbed in fixing it that he didn't even notice Tamaki had poured coffee into his mug, instead of tea. 

It was well after two a.m. when the problem was finally fixed, which was when Kyoya noticed the contents of his mug, and was hit with the realization that he'd drunk three cups of coffee in the last five hours.

"Oops," Tamaki said. "Want to watch a movie?" 

They wasted another couple hours watching Inception, and a couple after that with Tamaki pretending to not understand the plot and asking Kyoya to explain it to him. It was nearly eight in the morning when he finally gave up the act and said, "Oh, I get it now!" and it was then, finally, that they decided to retire to bed. 

The party started at seven, so Tamaki got up at five to get ready. He was tired enough to drop, so he knew Kyoya couldn't be fairing much better. It only took near-maximum effort to get himself ready and peppy, and to then drag Kyoya out of bed and get him ready as well. 

By the time Kyoya woke up fully and properly, they were standing in the front hall of a tiny commoner dwelling, staring at the sea of less-privileged teenagers before them. Kyoya was absolutely seething.

It was now or never. Tamaki threw his arm around Kyoya's shoulders and tugged him close, knocking their heads together. "Mon ami, think about it! It's a commoner house party. We could introduce ourselves with full names and nobody would recognize us." 

Kyoya glared at him, disbelieving, so Tamaki pulled back and shouted, "This is Kyoya Ootori, third son of the Ootori group!" as loud as he could. Heads turned to look at them, and Kyoya shot him a panicked look behind his glasses. 

Someone in the crowd shouted back, "Okay?"

Kyoya's scowl deepened a bit, but after a few long moments of intense eye-contact, Tamaki finally won. "Fine," Kyoya bit out. "Fine. We can stay. But I hate you." 

"I love you too," Tamaki said. He grabbed Kyoya's arm and dragged him properly inside. "Now come on! I need a drink and a tour. Haruhi, show us around! It's like a commoner's museum. Can you believe they call this 'middle class.'" 

If Kyoya noticed him playing it up, he didn't say anything. He didn't say much, really, for most of the evening, which might have been why Tamaki didn't notice. 

He didn't notice, until Kyoya came stumbling up to him, eyelids drooping and face flushed red. He smiled, big and easy, and sagged against Tamaki's back, draping his arms over his shoulders. 

He was smiling, which was abnormal. And he was blushy and sweaty, which was even more abnormal still. He poked Tamaki in the cheek, hard, and grinned at him. 

"You," he said carefully. "Are an asshole."

At least that was in character. Tamaki laughed. "How are you feeling, mommy?" 

Kyoya's voice was slurred when he spoke and said, "That's weird. You know how weird that is, right? People are gonna think we're gay." 

"Maybe the ladies are into that," Tamaki suggested, and Kyoya nodded sagely. His hair tickled Tamaki's cheek. 

"Like the twincest thing," he said, and somebody nearby laughed. 

Kyoya picked his head up and studied the commoner boy Tamaki had been talking to. He hummed, then reached around Tamaki to hold his hand out. "Does your father do business?" Kyoya asked, then hummed again, frowned. "No. You look poor." 

"Excuse him," Haruhi said, all nervous laughter as they grabbed hold of Tamaki and dragged both boys away to a quieter spot by the stairs. Kyoya hadn't detached from Tamaki, and had even latched onto him more tightly, arms encircling him and face buried in the back of Tamaki's neck. It sent shivers through him. Tamaki himself was only a little bit buzzed. 

"Kyoya-senpai, how much have you had to drink?" Haruhi asked. Kyoya let go just enough to adjust his glasses and count on his fingers. 

He said, "Perhaps five... maybe six? Honestly, I haven't been paying attention." Then he threw back his head and laughed, a full belly laugh like Tamaki hadn't heard from him in months, shaking with laughter against Tamaki's back. Haruhi's eyebrows shot up. Tamaki just grinned. 

He'd known this all would be worth it. 

"Wow, boss, looks like your plan worked," Kaoru said, phasing out of the woodwork and leaning in close to study Kyoya, while Hikaru stepped into the scene and leaned his elbow on Haruhi's head. 

"Yeah, what did you do to him?" 

Tamaki smiled proudly. He said, "We just needed the right time and place to relax, right Kyoya?" Kyoya didn't answer, and when Tamaki glanced back over his shoulder he found Kyoya staring steadily at Kaoru, who was staring suspiciously back. 

"Do you want to make out?" Kyoya offered, suddenly, and both twins nearly died laughing while Tamaki just about picked Kyoya up off his feet to drag him outside for some air. Kyoya let himself be manhandled, which was something sober-Kyoya had a very short tolerance for, but then they were outside in the night air sitting on the cool concrete of the front stoop, and Kyoya let his head lull against Tamaki's shoulder and Tamaki watched the stars. 

"Having fun?" Tamaki asked him, after a good while of silence. The party was pulsing quietly behind them, the thrum of music and din of conversation balmed over through a barrier of doors and walls. 

Kyoya hummed softly, nuzzled against Tamaki's shoulder, and said, "I'm still mad at you." 

There was the sound of a camera shutter, and both boys' heads snapped up to find a girl neither of them knew hiding a grin behind her cellphone. "Oh," Tamaki said, slipping on a grin and a certain lilt to his voice. "My apologies princess, we didn't see you there." 

"I'm sorry!" she squeed, "You guys are just so cute!" 

Tamaki meant to respond, but Kyoya was pushing away from him and swaying to his feet and approaching the girl. "Did you take our picture?" he asked, and he took the phone when she held it out for him to see. 

"Hm," Kyoya said, poking a bit at the phone's dialpad. When he finished typing, he said, "I'll buy you a new one," and snapped the girl's cellphone clean in half. 

She gasped. "Hey! What did you do that for!?" while Kyoya dug in his pocket, retrieved his wallet, and fished through it for a moment.

"Don't be so dramatic," he said, gracelessly dropping a small stack of bills into her hands. She gaped down at the money, and Kyoya struggled for a moment to get his wallet back into his pocket. He growled at it. The girl pushed past them and went inside, glancing at them curiously the entire way, and Tamaki went to take the wallet from his friend. 

"I'll hold it, you silly. You didn't have to break her phone."

"Can't be evidence," he said, and then suddenly flinched, shoulders heaving. 

"Kyoya? Are you--?" 

Kyoya's face went from red to green, and he shoved Tamaki out of the way to drop to his knees in front of a bush and empty his stomach into it. The front door opened, and the other hosts stepped out. Honey-senpai was wearing a fake mustache. They all gaped at their club's vice-president, doubled over in the front lawn.

"So he didn't take his shirt off," Hikaru said, and Tamaki couldn't tell if he sounded disappointed or not. "But this is definitely something."

He pointed his cellphone and took a few pictures. 

It didn't seem like Kyoya noticed, but when they all woke up the following afternoon, Hikaru's phone had been factory reset. Tamaki's own had a message from an unknown number around 11:35 in the evening. 

A picture of himself and Kyoya, sitting on a stranger's front porch and leaning into each other. Kyoya was tucked tight into Tamaki's side, head on Tamaki's shoulder, eyes shut and small grin on his face. Tamaki smiled at the photo, then at the nearly-comatose sleeping boy next to him, and decided that it had been worth it.


End file.
